Pasenxa na mga readers, gripping (nagma-maasim) lang ako.  Today, I ended a one year long dating.  Hindi ko na-describe maiigi un sa last blog ko, but it was a very meaningful and fulfilling experience.  It was indeed a roller coaster ride… with tears, blood and laughter along the way.  I really thought we could make it.

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Sabi ng bestfriend ko, masyado daw akong idealistic.  I shouldn’t expect anyone will be honest with you all the time.  Pero alam niyang kaya un.  Dahil he is an honest guy.  And he knows me to be true, with a dozen of our friends who will not resort in lying unless buhay na ang nakataya.  For us, its not an idealism, its normal.  But I’ve seen a lot of liars, I hang out with them, some even became good friends.  It don’t matter to me much that they lie.

But to you, whom I gave a part of my heart, its only the thing that I asked.

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

My ex-date is a great guy.  Nakasundo nya ang barkada ko, ang family ko.  But most of all, he was patient, he was kind, and caring.  He looks good too.  And funny.  Meron din xang mga flaws like everybody has.  But those I can tolerate.

Some people say terrible things about him.  They claim that they witnessed… experienced… proved that he don’t deserved to be cared for, to be loved.  Hindi ako nakinig.  I gave him absolute trust, something I rarely give to anyone.  I accepted and tolerated all technicalities, all worming around, all borderline-lies.  But when I experienced being lied to, for the second time, a lie without loophole… plain, hard, sharp lie, the part of my heart I gave bleed, numbed, died.

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

I considered the year we spent together.  Ang mga moments na tahimik lang kaming magkayakap sa batuhan sa tabi ng dagat ng Manila Bay, ang lamayan sa paglalaro ng DotA, long dinners where we talk endlessly about anything, hawak-kamay at maghalikan kahit saan, ang sandalan sa bus at kahit anong sasakyan.  Those times na panatag ang puso, at nararamdaman mong kontento ka. 

I considered the storms we faced, survived, overcame.  Ang mga petty quarrels, or week long fights.  Ang mga walking out, and those silent cries till dawn.

I considered the what-ifs.  What if I can’t find another one, and can’t start a new beginning?  What if I am really just being too idealistic?  What if he do deserved a third chance?

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

Kinapa ko ang parte ng puso ko na binigay ko sa kanya, na isinoli nya na ngaun.  And like trust and crystal ball, it was once cracked, now its shattered, irreparably broken.  And when I do fix a broken heart, the broken pieces just wound me even more.

When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you're the one I depend upon

Shaw, I have no regrets.  At kung babalik ako sa past, sa part when I first decided to date you, I still would.  And maniwala ka man o hindi that I care, Shaw, I still do. 

I just couldn’t give my heart to you anymore.

Ano bang meron sa Blogging? 

 

Bakit sa kalamigan ng madaling araw tulad ngayon ay inilalatag ko sa word processor ang isang piraso ng aking utak para ibahagi sa sinumang sinawimpalad na babasa ng sinulat ko?

 

Maraming rason, maliban sa pagbebenta ng mamahaling bags, gamot na pampaputi, mga cute na alagaing hayop o panandaliang aliw.  At mayroon pang mas makabuluhang blog kesa pagsagot ng sari-saring personal survey.

 

To Feel

Sumusulat ng blog para magpa-impress sa mga mambabasa na kaya kong magtipon ng basura at sa kada 100 na reader, may tsansa na may 1 magkokomento ng paghanga.  Sa papuri na yon, parang bata akong maadik sa kendi at muling magsusulat ng panibago. 

 

Write -> receive comment -> feel good -> write again.

 

Paminsan minsan, tuwing magkukulay bughaw ang buwan at mag-aalign ang mga planeta, may isang taong gugustuhing makilala sa personal ang writer ng isang blog, at sa mas rare na pagkakataon, isang super sexy at uber hot na chick/rooster ang makakadate ko. 

 

Dito ako magsisimulang magkakaroon ng sariling buhay at madalang ng makakapagblog.  Saka lilipas ang matamis (o mapait) na karanasan, magpapahinga sa totoong mundo, magbabakasyon sa cyberspace upang isaad ang karanasan para sa iba.

 

And that’s another purpose of blogging –

 

To Share.

Sa iba ay quotes, sa iba ay jokes, sa iba ay larawan ng kinababaliwan nilang pornstar.  May nagbabahagi ng sariling karanasan, mayroong nagkukwento ng karanasan ng iba.  Meron din namang mag-aari ng gawa ng iba.  Orihinal man o imitasyon, maganda man o negatibo ang layunin, ang resulta pa rin ay ang makapagbahagi. 

 

Anong paki ko kung hindi ikaw ang sumulat ng joke, o kaya nagcompose ng essay.  So what din kung ni-repost mo ang blog ko at sinabi mong gawa mo (papakulam na lang kita, hehehe).  Basta alam ko, nag enjoy akong basahin ang blog, na nakaibsan ng konti ang paghihirap sa mundo.  O kaya nakapagturo ng isang bagay na makakatulong sa hinaharap.

 

“Our lives are connected

by a thousand invisible threads,

and along these sympathetic fibers,

our actions run as causes

and return to us as results."

------------- Herman Melville

 

To Grow

Sa mga pagpapalakas ng loob at papuri (kritisismo), sa pagtanggap at pagbahagi ng karanasan, umuunlad ako bilang manunulat… bilang Miko. 

 

Maraming parte sa akin ang nalilinang (kahit puro porno ang ina-upload ng iba jan, hehehe), at ang buhay ko ay nagiging makulay (hindi lang dahil sa sabaw ng gulay.  Hala, kakorni.  Hahaha). 

 

 

Bilang pagtatapos, ang blog na to ay pasasalamat.  Sa mga nagpadala ng mensahe na nami-miss nila ang writings ko (dahil paborito nilang okrayin) at kahit sa mga lurkers na pasilip-silip lang (hoy, magkoment naman kayo, hehehe, even a stumbling speech may strengthen a weak tongue, mga banat.  Hahaha). 

 

Kayo, bakit kayo nagblo-blog?

i have a date tonight.  but my face terribly needs an overhaul.

ang diamond peel ay nagkakahalaga ng 3,000 pesos sa isang session.  kung aabot to ng 10 sessions (which is the case as of this moment), ang total financial damage ay 30k.  yikes!  thats too much.

"kung mahirap ka at pangit ka, wala ka raw kasalanan.  pero kung may pera ka at pangit ka pa rin, kasalanan mo na yon."
-------------Ms. Pia, a friend

meron syang punto, but it doesn't mean she's entirely correct.  sa paglilibot ko sa gabi, marami akong nakita at nakilala na punong-puno ng super-facial-ity.  na sa unang tingin, they're attractive, hot.  pero pagnakasama mo na, hollow.  parang puro icing lang, wlang laman.

meron din naman akong nakasama na talented, artistic, deep thinkers.  but, maybe due to arrogance, naglagi sila sa mundo nila.  pinabayaan ang sarili.  at kung titignan mo, ang hitsura nila ay isang malaking babala na wag mong subukang mapalapit.

"...talk with crowds and [/but] keep your virtue,
...walk with kings--nor [/but do not] lose the common touch"
-------------Rudyard Kipling, If

maraming nag-iisip na masama na gamitin ang kapangyarihan ng imahe.  but this kind of power (image) like any other (mind, money, etc.) is not right or wrong, the intention of the person usually is.  kung may produkto ka na pinaniniwalaan mong para sa ikakabuti ng maraming tao, babalutan mo ba ito ng tae?  certainly not.  you would carefully and artistically package it, then you advertise.

but let the wrapper only be a projection of the gift, because when one solely focus on the wrapper itself, one commits the sin of vanity.  maganda ngang tignan, pero wla nmang halaga ang laman.