Miko's posts with tag: relationship
 | Honesty | Mar 5, '08 9:00 PM
for everyone |
Pasenxa na mga readers, gripping (nagma-maasim) lang ako. Today, I ended a one year long dating. Hindi ko na-describe maiigi un sa last blog ko, but it was a very meaningful and fulfilling experience. It was indeed a roller coaster ride… with tears, blood and laughter along the way. I really thought we could make it. If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give
Sabi ng bestfriend ko, masyado daw akong idealistic. I shouldn’t expect anyone will be honest with you all the time. Pero alam niyang kaya un. Dahil he is an honest guy. And he knows me to be true, with a dozen of our friends who will not resort in lying unless buhay na ang nakataya. For us, its not an idealism, its normal. But I’ve seen a lot of liars, I hang out with them, some even became good friends. It don’t matter to me much that they lie. But to you, whom I gave a part of my heart, its only the thing that I asked.
Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you
My ex-date is a great guy. Nakasundo nya ang barkada ko, ang family ko. But most of all, he was patient, he was kind, and caring. He looks good too. And funny. Meron din xang mga flaws like everybody has. But those I can tolerate.
Some people say terrible things about him. They claim that they witnessed… experienced… proved that he don’t deserved to be cared for, to be loved. Hindi ako nakinig. I gave him absolute trust, something I rarely give to anyone. I accepted and tolerated all technicalities, all worming around, all borderline-lies. But when I experienced being lied to, for the second time, a lie without loophole… plain, hard, sharp lie, the part of my heart I gave bleed, numbed, died. I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe
I considered the year we spent together. Ang mga moments na tahimik lang kaming magkayakap sa batuhan sa tabi ng dagat ng Manila Bay, ang lamayan sa paglalaro ng DotA, long dinners where we talk endlessly about anything, hawak-kamay at maghalikan kahit saan, ang sandalan sa bus at kahit anong sasakyan. Those times na panatag ang puso, at nararamdaman mong kontento ka. I considered the storms we faced, survived, overcame. Ang mga petty quarrels, or week long fights. Ang mga walking out, and those silent cries till dawn. I considered the what-ifs. What if I can’t find another one, and can’t start a new beginning? What if I am really just being too idealistic? What if he do deserved a third chance? I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know
Kinapa ko ang parte ng puso ko na binigay ko sa kanya, na isinoli nya na ngaun. And like trust and crystal ball, it was once cracked, now its shattered, irreparably broken. And when I do fix a broken heart, the broken pieces just wound me even more. When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you're the one I depend upon
Shaw, I have no regrets. At kung babalik ako sa past, sa part when I first decided to date you, I still would. And maniwala ka man o hindi that I care, Shaw, I still do.
I just couldn’t give my heart to you anymore.
Rain always call me outside the house, and bathing in it, I called out my friend. Wet, we went to the store and bought a bottle of Cali Shandy each. I asked my friend to come with me to the beach.
The storm made the waves much bigger, something that we only see in other countries. It was brownish red with dirt mix in it, and totally fearsome.
My friend was freaking out when I sat on the breakwater. I let the wave clashed to me. Out balanced, I earned a few bruises, and lost one slipper. But I wanna do it again.
“Gago ka Miko, baka may lumulutang na bote dyan,” my friend cautioned me.
I smiled at him, and heed his advice. I walked in the nearby house where the waves still reach the yard. I stood at the back of the gate, held the railings, and braced myself for another huge clash.
I looked at my friend, standing safely nearby, and I grinned, “Try it.”
Encouraged, he stood beside me. And with me, we screamed together for another blast.
And this time, I kept my eyes open, and look to my friend beside me. Around me was the brownish red water and bubbles abound. My friend’s eyes tightly shut, our whole body shivering, and after that wave, he looked at me, smiled, “Thank you”
I said, smiling, “Shut up, here comes another one.”
--------------
I went home that day, with my white shirt hued to brownish red, with a few bruises, with one missing slipper,
but most of all, with my friend’s grateful smile permanently etched in my memory.
|  | Together with Friends (almost a family)
we relaxed on Baguio for the weekend
February 10, 2007 |
Matapos ang isang masalimuot na yugto ng buhay ko, dumating din ang liwanag.
Nge. Ang corny.
“He brought all the clouds to my days,
But just like a ray of light,
You came my way one night”
-------------The Jetts, You Got It All
Sa totoo, matagal na syang dumating (bago pa mag June). Matagal na akong humahanga sa kanya… mula sa malayo. Naging mahina lang ang loob kong gumawa ng aksyon, natakot akong mareject.
Lumipas ang ilang buwan at nagkita kami. May kaibahan sya sa inaasahan ko, pero hindi nabawasan ang paghanga ko sa kanya. Parehas kaming nakainom ng sinabi nya sa ‘kin “bakit ngayon ka lang dumating?” bago nya ako hinalikan.
Nakipagkita sya sa kin pagkalipas ng ilang araw. Saka sya nagtapat:
“Nanghihinayang ako sa ‘yo.
Naiinggit ako kay W
Kasi nasa kanya ka na.
At naiinis din ako,
Kasi I had the opportunity
Kaso hindi ko nakita.
Malabo kasi mata ko.
-------------Shaw, Messages
Inamin kong meron akong nararamdaman sa kanya, mula noon hanggang ngayon. Pero tinanggihan ko ang ipinahayag nya. Dahil kahit wala akong “karelasyon” nong panahon na yon, meron akong inaasahang tao na mamahalin ko.
Pero iniwan din ako ng taong yon, sinukuan. At sa pagdadalamhati ko, dinamayan ako ni Shaw.
Alam kong merong karelasyon si Shaw nang mga panahon na yon. At wala akong inaasahan mula sa kanya, maliban sa maging kaibigan.
Pero nalaman kong nagkahiwalay sila ng boyfriend nya. Boyfriend nya na matagal nya ng kapiling. Boyfriend na nakasalo nya sa maraming bagay. Boyfriend na nagsasabing ibibigay ang lahat… na hindi ko kayang gawin.
Miko: Ang laki ng isinusugal mo sa kin. Tsk. Sana hindi kayo naghiwalaw ng bf mo. O kaya pumunta ka sa ibang nagkakagusto sayo. Hindi ko pa alam kung gaano katagal bago ko mabago ang sarili ko para maging karapat dapat na boyfriend.
Shaw: Tumigil ka nga. Isa lang ang alam ko... Masaya akong pinagtyatyagaan ka. Hindi ko mapipilit na magbago ka. Kaya sinasanay ko na lang ang sarili ko, hehehe, pain management lang yan.
-------------Shaw, Conversations
Natuwa ako, kahit nag-aalala akong baka may dumating sa kanyang iba, at mangyari rin sa akin ang nangyari sa naunang boyfriend nya.
Pero handa akong sumugal, dahil sa kanya, muli, nakokontento akong tignan lang siya habang natutulog.
At nasasabi ko sa sarili ko:
“Hindi ako makapaniwala… kasama ko sya ngayon.”
Marami akong kachat. Kakwentuhan. Kabolahan. Sa YM ko, naka categories lahat ng contacts, according to priority:
Family: 5 (Mga relatives)
X-F: 6 (Extended Family/Bondbrothers, kapatid sa tindi ng pinagsamahan)
Friends: 8 (Mga 2nd/3rd degree friends)
Batchmates 10 (Self-explanatory)
Dragonsworn 15 (Mga fans ng book na Wheel of Time)
Sideline 57 (Mga kachat. Kakwentuhan. Kabolahan).
-------------Miko, YM Contact List
I have a few friends (6 X-F + 8 Friends = 14 total). But that’s enough. I price quality over quantity. Pnipili ko talaga kung sino ang ilalagay ko sa categories nay un, dahil in a way, I would serve them.
Among the “sideline” there is a guy I regularly chat with… And got the chance to know him deeper than the others.
At first, hindi ko sineseryoso ang mga compliments nya, sinabi ko pa nga sa unang chat namin na “U r patronizing me”.
Pero sa madalas na pag-uusap, nakabuo ako sa isip ko kung sino sya. Na pagnaliligo, parehas kami ng parte na unang sinasabon (hahaha). Parehas kaming nalulungkot na ngayon, “the eyes are tinted and misted, no longer the windows of the soul.
When I got the chance to cross the distance between us, nakilala ko talaga sya. Sweet and accommodating. At sa maikling oras… we shared something special.
“Before
You are a fox
Like a hundred thousand
Other foxes.
But I have made you my friend,
And now you are
Unique in all the world.”
-------------Antoine de Saint-Exupery, ed. The Little Prince
Akala ko hanggang simula lang. Akala ko it will be as superficial as the rest.
Thank you loverboi, sa understanding (kahit magulo ako mag-isip), sa acceptance (kahit ang gagu-gagu ko), sa mga advice (kahit matigas ulo ko). Even with the distance, you proved to be a friend, though not physically, but importantly, in spirit.
Super belated happy birthday!!!
Tapos na.
Breathe in – breathe out lang yan. Naiyak ko na lahat. Nakakahinga na ako ng maluwag.
“If pain must come,
may it come quickly.
Because I have a life to live,
And I need to live it
In the best way possible.
If he has to make a choice,
May he make it now.
Then I will either wait for him,
Or forget about him.
Waiting is painful,
Forgetting is painful,
But not knowing which to do,
Is the worst kind of suffering.”
-------------Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept
Sinabi nya kagabi na suko na talaga sya. Na hindi nya na ako kayang pakisamahan. Na may mahal na raw syang iba.
Aminado ako na malaki ang kasalanan ko. Na nasaktan ko sya, ng sobra, ng maraming beses.
And person gave up. Sinukuan nya ako. Kung kelan nagsisimula na akong magmahal. Isang hakbang na lang, hindi nya pa inihakbang. Isang kirot na lang, hindi nya pa tiniis.
Binalak kong magpakatanga. Na mahalin sya kahit hindi nya na ako mahalin.
Gelo: Sasayangin mo lang ang oras mo.
Miko: Di bale nang masayang, ganon sya kahalaga sa kin.
Sheena: Eh kami? Hindi ba kami mahalaga sayo? Pwede ka lang magpagago, kung walang naghahangad ng oras mo.
Gelo: Gusto namin sya. Maayos syang kasama. Pero hindi nya pwedeng solohin ang oras mo. Pwede lang syang maging parte ng pamilyang binuo mo.
Dony: Pag nagpakatanga ka, pano pa kami makikinig sa advice mo na wag magpakatanga?
Partner: Be responsible for your actions naman, we are looking up to you as our model for growth. Wag mong sirain ung natitira mong credibility.
-------------The Family, Conversations with the Family
Isang buntong hininga.
Salamat sa mga tunay na sumoporta. Sa Family. Kay Billy, Lucky, Jecky, Juls, Noeh. Pati sa taong tumatawag sa king bossing, salamat sa quote LNC. Salamat sa mga online friends ko dito sa multiply.
It is finished.
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